Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

Ham-Sam the Saviour

A rare photo of the Royal Master Artist, and a less rare photo of a ham sandwich, because this particular ham sandwich is famous throughout Klah and is featured in many homes, magazines and history books.

The sandwich, commonly known as Ham-Sam the Saviour, began its life as a lowly packed lunch in the rucksack of Lady Maureen Goggins, the Hot Air Balloon pilot given the important job of transporting the last pair of endangered Dancing Caterpillars (a source of national joy) to a safer home. While crossing the Peaks of Despair, calamity struck when a Gang of Hairy Eagles attacked, puncturing the Balloon.

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Ancient Monument Celebrating the Invention of the Triangle

Ancient monument celebrating the invention of the triangle, and now a popular tourist destination in Snorkinton (south Klah). Local souvenir shops are packed with triangle shaped hats, key rings, tea towels and frisbees, and several of the locals are said to have triangle shaped noses. A must see for those visiting the south.

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Breaking News! Guzzleslug Tracks Discovered!

BREAKING NEWS: Tracks made by a guzzleslug emerging from the ocean have been discovered on a beach in North Klah. Until the tracks were discovered this morning, the guzzleslug was thought (and secretly hoped by many) to be extinct. Those of us over a certain age will still remember the dreadful days when guzzleslugs were numerous and many beaches were declared unsafe for swimming, for the guzzleslug's favourite thing to do is guzzle, and its favourite thing to guzzle is clothing. Swimmers were regularly caught out and forced to scamper home in skimpy outfits, or sometimes no outfits at all, traumatising generations of children. Residents of North Klah are advised to remain vigilant, and preferably wear pants made from metal or hard plastic for the time being.

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The Island of Plants-That-Look-Fairly-Innocent-But-Are-Actually-Carnivorous

The Island of Plants-That-Look-Fairly-Innocent-But-Are-Actually-Carnivorous (North Klah). These plants (foreground) will consume anything that comes ashore on the island, the only known exceptions being each other, and a particular variety of blowfish that makes their throats tickle. Our royal photographer therefore had to go to great lengths to get this photo, lengths which involved a carnivorous plant costume and the potent scent of several blowfish.

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The Galaxy Creator's Club

As far back as their memories stretched they had met on Wednesdays to create galaxies. Pauline sometimes thought she remembered a Wednesday cave painting class several thousand years ago, but the other spirits said she was just being fanciful, and anyway Wednesdays didn't exist back then. It was also a mystery to them why it was so important to keep creating galaxies, although Francine suspected the answer to the mystery was MYSTERY, because when they went through a brief phase of not meeting and got regular jobs moving bits of paper around and stapling things to other things as people had always advised them to, the world suddenly became smaller, and some stars fizzled out before their time and fell into the sea.

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