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Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

The Lantern Moths' Commemoration

The Radiant Ranges are not glorious and light as one would imagine, but dark and ominous, and strange things happen there – perhaps the strangest of all being the diamonds that sometimes rain from the sky, like the most radiantly dangerous hail you have ever seen, or been smacked in the face with. To avoid injuries, a magnificent group of lantern moths provide a warning system before each diamond fall, flying over the valleys and signaling to the citizens to helmet up the cows and hurry inside. Due to the abundance of diamonds in the area, anything that can be made from diamond is, from houses to harpsichords, tables to toothbrushes, and sometimes the teeth themselves. On the unusual occasion that it is sunny, the citizens are forced to wear special diamond-blocking glasses to protect their eyes from the glare, and stop them developing what is commonly known as “sparkle-eye”. The lantern moths have performed this honorable warning duty for as long as anyone can remember. When they are not signaling, they are forecasting the next fall. They do this in a number of ways: as well as having a weather station with the usual gadgets and gizmos, they watch the skies, they feel the vibrations of the weather on their wings, and they listen to the whispers of the diamonds. The Kingdom of Klah has created this image to commemorate the fine and important job the lantern moths do.

 

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The Fountain of Youth

Next to this magnificent fountain is a sign which reads "THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH", and many people pilgrimage here to dip and dunk and slather themselves in its water in the hope of being transformed. And indeed they are - only not in the way they expected, for during the Great Crocodile Storm of '78, where a tornado hit a nearby Crocodile Health Retreat, a rather well proportioned (flying) crocodile by the name of Kevin - still drinking his power smoothie - smashed half the sign to smithereens. The sign should actually read "THE FOUNTAIN OF YOU THINK YOU'RE A...

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The Boney Birds of Revelry

Some people are very good at life. I do not mean that they have houses that match their briefcases and never wash their whites with a stray red sock, or that they have a five-year-plan in a folder which is in a bookcase, not accidentally stored in the woodpile.

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Carniverous Chameleon-Foliage Discovered at Lake Ereinak

This carnivorous chameleon-foliage was recently discovered near Lake Ereinak and is causing a great deal of controversy across Klah. The Society for the Protection of Bears Against Carnivorous Plantsis concerned the foliage is posing as a bear to entice real bears over so it can eat them. The foliage insists it actually loves bears and just wants to congratulate them on being bears, and is even planning to give the next bear that visits him a prize of 1000 honeypots. No honeypots have yet been sighted by The Klah Gazette. We also spoke with the foliage’s dentist who reported seeing suspiciously bear-like hairs in his teeth, though he admitted they could also be from very hairy snails. A spokeswoman for The Society of the Prevention of Discrimination Against Plants, Ms Faux Tosynthesis, issued a statement yesterday concerned that “this is just another example of unfair discrimination against the vegetable kingdom. Why are there never any articles on all the sheep that brutally devour blades of grass all day long? I think you will find the figures are substantially higher and I for one find that far more newsworthy.”

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Gideon Gorgonzolla Builds Invisible Mansion

Gideon Gorgonzolla, the famous detective who solved such perplexing cases as “The Mystery of Dame Zelda’s Misplaced Toenail”, and “The Spate of The Forged Greeting Cards”, which plagued the nation in the ’70s, has begun work (or possibly finished? We can’t be sure…) on his new home in Akawir, Central Klah – a somewhat ambitious project as the house is to be completely invisible. Sources close to Gideon and his wife Mabel say the detective has become increasingly security conscious and the pair are rarely seen without fake beards. Now it seems they will be rarely seen at all.

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